"Univac I solved the calculations that involved relativistic speeds to pinpoint Sputnik’s location on a computing platform that weighed 13 metric tonnes and ran at 2.25MHz. Your iPhone 5S weighs 112 grams and runs a dual-core 64bit processor manufactured on a 28 nanometer process clocked at 1.2GHz. Technology has moved on."
You should subscribe to Dan Hon’s newsletter. Yes, you.
"world champion scrotum and notorious plagiarist Shia LaBeouf"
— ComicsAlliance Reviews The ‘Constantine’ Television Pilot
"By the way “Open Carry” isn’t a verb. And I’ll stand my ground and shoot in the face anyone who pretends it is."
— My Parents Open carry: Brian Jeffs and Nathan Nephew, Lorna Bergman: 9780983175117: Amazon.com: Books
"It’s like their words are stupidity bullets and whisky is my ointment for the wounds. I’d dearly love to have a discussion with a sane, rational human being but apparently they’re all in bed attempting to blot out the cacophony of twats with large bottles of strong whisky."
— Double Whammy Of Middle East Conflict And Scottish Independence Massively Depleting Global Whisky Stocks | whiskysponge
"You own your own cupping spoon. It’s engraved. You once caught someone eating cereal with it and lost your motherfucking shit."
— 13 Signs That You’re A Coffee Snob | Food Republic
"The horse was kicking his legs around, breaking a bunch of computer terminals and knocking things over, but Neil and I didn’t care. We pressed on, because if you have what it takes to fly hundreds of thousands of miles from Earth to the goddamned moon, you sure as hell can drag one screaming horse 10 feet to a spaceship’s airlock."
— On Every Anniversary Of The Moon Landing, My Thoughts Always Turn To That Horse Neil Armstrong And I Jettisoned Out Of The Airlock | ClickHole – Because all content deserves to go viral
"Irish names have been a constant source of irritation to the English since the 19th century, when many Irish families started hoarding extra letters in case of a shortage."
— Irish name pronounced how it’s written
"Philip Hammond, are you flirting with us? The new foreign secretary strides out provocatively, in this daring navy suit. His nails, cut into the shape of human nails, show that he means business. Note the leg-lengthening black shoes, showing that he’s not afraid to sacrifice practicality for style."
— New Statesman | New boys on the block: Your guide to the Kings of the Downing Street catwalk
"He’s like Hari Seldon but with wicked biceps"
The Oatmeal on Elon Musk
What it’s like to own a Tesla Model S - Part 2 - The Oatmeal
"We strive to make sure that all of our content panders to and misleads our readers just enough to make it go viral."
— What Is ClickHole? · Clickhole